I Asked Myself... "How Are You?"

if i say that i am ok, i know i am fooling myself. so i'll answer that question with a smile.
sometimes, its better if you just smile at some questions that are thrown to you especially if its requires you to explain your answer.

so i smile, smile... and then smile again. until nobody notices that beneath those smiles I hide what i truly feels.

but how am i really doing now?

well, at times i am really ok, i must admit that. all the stuff going on in school, all the things i have to do for school and all the things i do to keep myself from idleness makes me feel, in some way, better.

honestly, i am slowly getting used to this kind of life. its very different from the life that I once lived. its a lot simpler and healthier. although there are times when i miss that kind of lifestyle, i know that it worth it. i know i've gone far with the good changes that i did to myself and going back to the old ways may put it all in jeopardy.

yes i can still go back. i have the option. but i really don't think i will be going back. well maybe, i will be.. at times, will be seen again on the scene but that will be very minimal. i've seen a different life behind that old life that i had and i must say that its way better.

i am not saying that the old life that i once lived was that bad. i guess i am feeling this way towards it because it caused me so much pain and made me loose so much of myself.

maybe, i have managed to out grow that life and have decided to sail away. in analogy, its like before, i was sailing back and forth along a single river but now i am sailing through the wide open ocean.

i don't exactly know what and where this will lead me but i am optimistic that life would get better with me. yes, pain will be inevitable but will the wisdom that experience has thought me during the last 21 years, i know ill make it through.

i am ok.. but not very ok.. but i am ok.......