My Sleep

i just woke up and i don't feel good. not because i slept only for 7 hours but because i didn't rest well. it was an awful sleep. i felt like having a bad dream the whole time my eyes were close... oh! it was not that i just feel like i was having a bad dream... "I WAS REALLY HAVING A BAD DREAM!". it was not exactly a nightmare. it didn't involve monsters of any sort but it got me so scared that i woke up crying.

i was freaking' dreaming of a part of my past!!! and i so fucking hate it. i do not like it at all because it just causes me pain. it makes me remember all the hurt that was inflicted on me. and now that i have slowly started moving and actually started enjoying life once again, i don't those kind of dreams anymore. i hate it. let it disappear to the abyss.

i learned during my psychology class that dreams come from the unconscious part of our mind and usually, these are motives and desired that we try to supress. i am trying to analyze the dream i had and i guess, its partly true. what i dreamt of maybe... is still a desire which i am still trying to repress and eventually forget.

i dont wanna cry no more whenever i remember these dreams or memories or anything that has to do with that event in my past. i just want to move on and forget about it all. i just want to be happy. its unfair for me because i am suffering when i was the one who gave more. shit! i am starting to feel emotional about this things again. i hate it! damnit!

i have started to move on and i am enjoying life in a different way. i don't need anything of these shit anymore.

ghost of the past, set me free. i am letting go of you. so let go of my hand. cause once you do, and once i let go as well of your cold hands which makes me remember the bitter past... my hands will cling and hold to someone else... somebody warm and somebody who will never let me go...

Someday - Nina